he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize