Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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