so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
