Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
my poor anus
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize
