I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
