She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
