No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
