The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
