oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I didn't shave. On purpose
Buhtt sex?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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