id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
did you just send me my own nude
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
