genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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