there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
