i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
