so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
My ATM looks so different sober.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
