As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
