I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize