Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
