I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i drank out of a bidet.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
