She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
