how can u be prego again
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
