And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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