all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
