so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
