it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
