my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
All I want is dick and wine.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
