he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
