A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
