Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I came so hard my ears popped.
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