Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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