I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
