It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
