The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
