Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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