did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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