what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
