It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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