i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Randomize
