Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
