If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
