At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
