I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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