Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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