We're like a lot better than the average bears
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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