I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
