She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
