just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Randomize
