Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
