I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
