I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
