how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
