I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
