I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
