Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
