My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
