do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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