Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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