I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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