it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Less talking, more tequila
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
