ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My ATM looks so different sober.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
