Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
