just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
