Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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