Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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