Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
