We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
