Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
