just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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