Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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