I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Terrible idea I love it
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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