Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
