we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
