new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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