My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
