last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
